Griefy Girl

Self-care, year two, and my first published anything in over 5 years

"It's okay to allow others to help you, even if it's just a haircut. Take that time for yourself." My therapist leaned forward in her chair. "Seriously. Self-care is a buzzword, but you must take care of yourself."

Later that day, after my session, I had a Death Doula continuing education class. One of the elements my teachers strongly encourage is self-care. Well, she spoke about it again.

Burnout is real.

The layers of fatigue stack, and then WHAM, I'm flared up and knocked down.

Could I get a signer sign?

Twice in one day, self-care pulled up in her black glitter, with hot pink interior 1970 Chevy Camero, "Get in, loser, we're getting a haircut and a massage."

And I did.

Guilt-free.

The therapeutic massage and stretch were glorious, and my neuropathy agreed. I was anxious because I hadn't had a massage since my nervous system implosion, but my pain had decreased tremendously in my toes. And they aren't numb.

Perhaps I am finally healing.

Perhaps I will have feeling in my face again.

I have hope.

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Taking care of Dad, grieving, and thawing from freeze mode, I have a barrage of emotions rippling within.

It's nearly 2 years since his terminal diagnosis.

It's nearly 2 years since our lives flipped upside down and inside out.

A point of no return.

I remember the call in August, on Phil's birthday; my parents reassured me while I cried that Dad would do everything possible to stay with us as long as he could.

I rage prayed.

I begged my ancestors.

I sold my soul a thousand times.

But I have to say, writing about my experience as Dad's Death Doula was cathartic. Also, I wanted to educate people about end-of-life care, hospice, and palliative care and ease those fears.

Remove the stigma.

When I submitted my essay to Get Griefy magazine, knots tightened in my stomach. The last time I had a piece of writing published was during my author/homeschool days.

It's been a minute.

This essay is raw and reflects who I am and what I have experienced—the bittersweet beauty in death and dying. What needs to improve in our healthcare system, especially when it comes to terminal illnesses, is the communication between physicians, hospice, patients, and their loved ones. My work is to educate and help mend the fractures in the design.

And if I help just one person, then I've succeeded.

We need to ask questions.

Even when we don't want to hear the answers.

Get Griefy Issue 3 drops August 1.

The magazine, which is released quarterly, can also be purchased on Amazon.

I am proud to be part of this revolutionary magazine, and we can continue the dialogue surrounding death, dying, and grieving.